5 Ways To Be Happier Together
12 Apr 2019 | Cheryl Rickman
We are happier when we focus on what we have in common,
rather than what divides us. In this extract from The Happiness Bible,
Cheryl Rickman explores what we can do to
widen and deepen our connection with each other.
Community
Matters
Today, with social media becoming all-consuming, we are more
connected than we have ever been, in a virtual sense; but in
reality, studies have revealed that many people still feel alone.
All the more reason to make an effort to increase real-world
connections.
As well as forging strong bonds with those we are especially
fond of, it's important to build "bridging connections" to unite
different groups within a community. Doing so demonstrates a
commitment to the notion that we're all in this together, and that
the common good is important for a good life.
1. Build Social Capital
Consider ways in which you might bring people from different
backgrounds together through a shared interest, to build what
Harvard professor Robert Putnam calls the "social capital" of a
community, facilitate trust and impact positively on the wellbeing
of the whole community. For example, you could:
- Eat together round a campfire, BBQ or candle-lit table. Fire
and food create that "Hygge" feeling of cosy warmth and
togetherness.
- Plant a community vegetable garden.
- Create a directory for your street, listing names and resources
that can be borrowed.
- Make a "street library" cupboard or fill an old phone-box with
books, so that residents can donate and borrow books. Just make
sure it's waterproof!
2. Consider how you make others
feel
Notice the good in others. Focus on what's right with people,
rather than what's wrong. Research by psychologist John Gottman shows
that good relationships have a 'positivity ratio' of 5-to-1. This
means that for every negative interaction, a stable and happy
relationship has five (or more) positive interactions. With that in
mind, practise focusing on what your partner, family members or
friends have done right, rather than on what they've done wrong.
Praise and encourage rather than criticise.
3. Show empathy
Consider other people's point of view before you respond. Try
viewing everyone as a vulnerable child, to minimize blame. Remind
yourself that we're all just muddling through, and we all make
mistakes. It's easier to judge and criticize than it is to praise
and empathize. Yet the latter is far more rewarding and has a
wide-ranging social impact. For example, teaching empathy in
schools reduces bullying.
4. Do more together as a
family
Whether it's playing tennis, going for regular walks, popping to
the park, finger-painting, kite-flying or playing Scrabble, create
a routine that means you do at least one of those things together
every week. It's all too easy to sit and watch telly together. But
interaction generates laughter and shared positive experiences,
which strengthens bonds. Teamwork and team-play, especially of the
family kind, boost positive emotions and enhance relationships.
5. Spend time with no
devices
Make one night per week "analogue night". Put all your
phones and electronic devices in a basket and enjoy a "no-phone
zone" for at least a few hours. You can play outdoors or find
something to do that doesn't involve a screen. And you can have
extended talks round the dinner table or elsewhere, read a book
together or make something. We are all leading increasingly busy
lives. Although we shouldn't become over-dependent on others or
allow them to dictate our mood, we need to invest sufficient time
to build quality relationships with those in our support
network.
Because positive connection is key to our happiness.
"Of all the things that wisdom provides to
help one live one's entire life in happiness, the
greatest so far is friendship" ~ Epicurus
About Cheryl Rickman
After both her parents' lives were cut short, Cheryl Rickman decided to devote her life to
helping others make the most of their own precious lives, through
the books she writes and the workshops she creates. She has written
and ghostwritten 15 practical and inspirational guide books on
flourishing in life and at work over the past 13 years. As well as
writing empowering books to inspire, inform and help people fret
less and flourish more, Cheryl is
a qualified Positive Psychology Practitioner, an Ambassador of
Wellbeing for the Network of Wellbeing and a contributor to
Psychologies and Breathe magazines, among others. You can find out
more at
www.CherylRickman.co.uk
About The Happiness Bible
The Happiness Bible (published by Gaia
Books) works with the reader to explain how happiness works
and evolves; where it comes from, and how it can be nurtured and
maintained in order to flourish. The book introduces the principles
of positive psychology, the science of happiness, and how it works
to achieve happiness. It examines what happiness studies have
revealed and how positive psychology exercises help to banish the
"thieves of happiness". It also explores why acceptance of
unhappiness is also important in our quest for joy and includes
tips on being kinder, getting out in nature, nurturing supportive
relationships, talking back to mind chatter, cultivating gratitude,
finding and savouring the good, using strengths and creating
meaning.